Double A

'I wont show my feelings until the feelings has gone'

Honestly I was devastated,
I believe in karma,
What goes around comes around.

I have once hurt someone,
I broke his heart,
So I know that someone will come around and hurt me back
But honestly, I didn't expect it's you.

I believed in you when you said you love me,
So I was starting to pull my heart out for you,
But then I was told those were just empty words.
So there you go, A broken heart.

When you left,
I told everyone I was okay,
You're included
But I lied, of course I did.

I'm living and do things as normal as I could,
But as cliche as it may sound,
It was as if I lost my soul.
Because I didnt feel myself.

I was not where I were,
My mind is always about,
'What did I do you wrong?'
'Among all the people why do you pick me to break?'
'Are you satisfied?'
'Am I pathetic?'
And all kind of questions that I want the answers very bad.

I was very angry and missed you at the same time,
I can't help to check on your facebook and myspace
everytime I sign in, which was everyday,
I need to hold myself back not to call or text you,
which was very hard.

But then enough is enough,
I need to mean it when I say I've move on,
Because you're moved like nothing is wrong.
I need to live my life,
it's time to live in reality,
and leave the fantasies.

It was hard, and I would never want to go through it again,
though I made it through,
It doesnt hurt when I think about you anymore,
I dont wake up or go to sleep or do anything in between thinking about you every second anymore
I dont have to hold myself from calling or texting you anymore,
I dont open your page anymore,
And I dont hope for you to come back anymore.

And truth to be told,
I dont hate you,
but I dont really like you.
It's not bad,
because you did me wrong.

I've accept everything as it is,
You happened to be someone who comes in my life,
and leave after a while,
Well, It's life.

so now the feelings has gone

Sharing life with strangers

Im currently at hospital.
Im spending my holidays here with cumi,
As everyone knows,
She's having an ovarian cancer which she has accepted it as it is.
Same goes for all of us

It's fun hnstly,
The room is full with exciment as cumi is getting married,
She got proposed on the last raya haji by a great guy,
So here, despite everything else,
Eveyday it's about the wedding day.

But once in a while,
I love to take a walk outside,
what I can ensure you,
hospital is nothing like greys anathomy.
There's no flirting or patience running around naked

My favorite place is the emergancy ward,
Sometimes it's a chaos,
The doctors runs here and there,
Nurses are acting like there's a marathon,
While me, I stood there helpless,
Well that's almost everyday.

But the most of the time,
They uses the rest and relax method,
Which then I have to go back to cumi's room
and find the new entertaiment.

Sometimes while I walk around the hospital,
Eating my favourite candy bars that I bought with cumi's money,
(There's 7 eleven across the road)
I hear some stranger cries,
which then brings the human in me,
and I hope with all my heart that their love one is okay.

Right now, Cumi is sleeping right beside me,
Im sitting on the chair beside her bed,
It's 7 minutes to 1 am,
Tomorrow, I want to go check on the new babies,
I want to be among the first to welcome them to earth.
I need to wake up early, so goodnight :)

Dont drink, you'll get drunk

I was going to get better,
But I cant help to wonder,
Where the hell is Elydia's facebook and myspace?

Naughty Nature

Hahahaha, Im sorry if you feel like puking,
but these are so funny -.-

Awal muharam

For those who know my azam for the new year,
It's already awal muharam,
and Im ready,
InsayAllah.
Everything will go as I planned

Haha

I dont know how stupid I may sound,
but I've always imagine myself wins an award,
or awards,
hahaha, shut up,
not the part where I blush on the stage,
the part where I thank those who helps me through,

But why wait for an award,
which would take forever maybe,
I think I should thank now.

Im going skip my parents because,
I may cry.
hnstly right now Im thinking 'why am I writting this',
But er, sambung je la.

I want to thnk my friends,
Nadia, Ayiesha, Fatihin,
They give me great advices,
Or even time when they don't know what to say,
They'll stand by me,
Never let go of my side,

Elydia,
she may not know whats happening in my life,
my ups and downs,
but thats not a bad thing,
because being with her,
gives me a break.

Er, now what?
well hnstly Im lucky that I have friends that are willing to make ugly faces just to make me laugh,
Though they may not laugh at my jokes,
they dont think its funny,
I think they are just the best person I want to tell my joy,triumph,sorrow and stupid jokes too :)

Thank you
(hhahahhahahahahhaha)
shut up
haha, Im stupid okayy

How to grow up

You know when we were small,
We look at our sisters or movies,
Young adult or teenages ,
They wear beautiful clothes, hang-out with friends, having (a) boyfriend(s),
We can't wait to be like them,
And somehow they look like just, grown up.

But now that I'm in that age.
It's not like what I thought it would be,
grown up is not the word, confuse is.
Don't get me wrong,
I'm okay, fine, great,
Just, I'm not as wise as I thought I would be,
In fact, I haven't change as much as I thought I would,

I do wear what I wants,
I hang-out with my friends,
I meet a few guys,
But thats not the whole thing about being a 'teen',
It's more about I'm searching me
while being me.
Its quite hard you know,
one day I feel like myself,
and the next I don't.

But I'm not saying it's not fun,
it is :)